I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
