I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
