he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
