I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
