took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
