dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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