what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pooping to opera.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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