so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
