so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
