you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
His nipple licking is glorious
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