I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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