"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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