D3 body, D1 cock
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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