do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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