What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
