some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
