got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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