i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
