I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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