I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
