My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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