yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
