Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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