Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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