I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
