Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
