Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
