Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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