sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
