i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
