you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
