the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
