bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
