If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
