i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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