Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I currently don't understand fingers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
