I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
