threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Less talking, more tequila
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So much rum. So many feels.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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