I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
