she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pants are for mortals
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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