Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
