i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
