I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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