Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We have started to decorate penises.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
