I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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