he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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