I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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