This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
