Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
