Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
