i think i have two assholes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
